The Word is Law

The motivational Dr. Laura

As that strangest of creatures, an Irish Atheist, I’ve often wondered how the Nazarenes take the history of the Jewish people (aka The Bible and the Apocrypha) and call it their “Old Testament” and then claim it is the literal word of god when they cannot even agree amongst themselves what should be in it. However for fundamentalist Christians it has a certain fetish quality with a whole “Bible Study” industry tracing it back to the original Hebrew and particular attention paid to fascinating areas such as End Time warnings, Pretenders , Hypocrites, Spirit of Babylon, etc; Indeed, an excellent roadmap for living in the 21st Century.

There is a reason of course why they keep going back to the Old Testament as the “New Testament” is not that coherent consisting of disparate sources which were in different languages and versions to give us the Gospels (“good news”), the Acts of the Apostles, the Epistles (letters) and then, a rather late entry after the fall of the Western Roman Empire, The Book of Revelation, a work which had previously been considered too mystic and too much of the East to be part of mainstream teaching.

There is therefore a great danger when Christians take this historic narrative of the Jewish people, which is not interpreted uniformly by Jewish scholars, and the foundations of Mosaic Law and then start quoting it out of context as “literal truth”, whatever that is? One who has done so is Dr Laura Schlesinger, (A potty conservative radio talk show host), after remarking that homosexuality is an abomination according to the Bible Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstances. Dr. Schlesinger is one of these airbrushed manicured motivational Telly People you get in America who is such a refreshing contrast to the hard bitten alcoholic harridans of the British Press who so enjoy wallowing in their own bile whilst telling us the world is going to Hell. (N.B. No concept of Hell in Judaism but of course that doesn’t stop the Harridans). So I am most grateful to Trevor McCarthy for his letter to Dr. Schlesinger, the Bible expert, seeking clarification on some issues which trouble him.


The Word

Dear Dr. Schlesinger,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of story, fu*king debate over.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to The Welsh, but not The Scottish. Can you clarify why I can't own a Scot?

2. I would like to sell my friends daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual unseemliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women tell me to fu*k off.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. Clearly states he or she should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to sort it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?


A shellfish abomination

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I do wear glasses to read sometimes. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some room for manoeuvre here?

8. Most of my friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still have the odd bacon sarny if I wear gloves?

10. My wife and I keep horses on a farm in Morpeth, Northumberland, where the owner violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town of Morpeth together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, as suggested by the good book for people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you once again for reminding me that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,

Trevor McCarthy


Rude Boys